SHOULD I HAVE MY MOM OR MOTHER IN LAW IN THE BIRTH ROOM?
As a doula, this is a question that seems to come up a lot when I prep a couple for birth. I always ask- ” Do you want them there?” It always amazes me how many people answer .. NO … and then go on to saying . they feel bad and guilty. Try and stick to a YES or NO answer without over thinking it. Stay away from the But …. as everything that follows a no is often not your truth but some form of guilt that has been projected onto you. One thing I do to help with this is to have my clients get in their truth about what FEELS right for them and then set a FIRM boundary one that supports their wishes. If one isn’t comfortable or weak with their boundaries they won’t hold up when trying to set them. With a poor boundary, the person you were trying to set the rules with will end up doing what you didn’t want to have happen. I can’t tell you how many mothers and mother in laws can’t stand me (to this day) after I kicked them out of the delivery room when they didn’t respect their children’s wishes .The birth of your child is going to be one of the most important and exciting days of your life. Anyone that brings drama, causes stress, is unsupportive, judgmental or makes you uncomfortable should not be allowed in the delivery room. This is also not a time to mend a troubled relationship . Remember it’s your day, you have a right to have your birth experience be what you would like even if it might piss someone off . Trust me they will get over it ( especially when they see their grandchild) .Remember you can’t please everyone all of the time. Sometimes you might make someone upset,let them have their feelings with it and keep standing strong in your truth. This is great practice for being a parent as your child isn’t going to like it all the time when you say no and set a boundary either.
If your mom or mother in law is someone you are close with, that’s nurturing, supportive, loving and you WANT them to be part of this experience then absolutely have them be there . Speak with them before the birth on how they can best support you and what you might need from them. I was just in a birth a few weeks ago where my client had me, her husband and her mother there for support . I was blown away by the amount of love and nurturing she was being showered with. It was so beautiful, this is how it should be .
Both you and your partner need to be on the same page coming to an understanding and support each other with this . I can’t even begin to count how many woman have asked her partner not to call the parents , friends and relatives yet and they do anyway … next thing that happens is they all show up at the hospital, the birthing woman feels bad and lets them in the room when she really doesn’t want them there . Often the mama to be then has a hard time letting go and relaxing.
This is you and your partners day, you have a choice and a right about who you want to be part of your baby’s birth. DON’T FEEL GUILTY FOR DOING WHATS BEST FOR YOU. IT’S YOUR LIFE. DON’T LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR LIVING IT YOUR WAY.